I have been stewing on this blog post for a while, and tried to figure out the best way to express what I was feeling.  Finally, I just decided let my fingers do the walking.

As photographers, we always have been encouraged to shoot lots - and to always carry your camera with you to be available to capture every moment.  As our hobby usually turns into some sort of job - we sometimes lose the ability to take pictures for the fun of it, and stop thinking of the images we take as pure art, or beauty.  We look at our life through a lens - but sometimes we get caught up thinking about how great a location is for a future shoot, or if you can sell this shot on your favorite stock photography site, or local media.

With the introduction of cameras in mobile phones, complete with funky apps, and processing - we have truly been able to capture every moment, and make high quality, stunning images any chance we can get.  We have even heard the term “The best camera, is the one that is with you”.

But it’s not.  Or at least I don’t think so.

The best camera is the one that is not with you.  Yup, I said “not”.  Chase Jarvis + Best Camera, feel free to punch me in the face.

There is always opportunities where it is not appropriate to take pictures.  I will leave that to you to decide when/where - but we have all heard of this discussion recently with various events and tragedy that create some stunning (yet sad) images.  We have all seen the pictures of people jumping from the World Trade Centre, and of the devastation cause by war and natural disasters.  Seeing people hurt, in pain…or even passed on….often makes us ask ourselves “Could we take that picture, morally?”

Many of you know that recently my wife’s grandmother had passed away.  I could go on and on about what an exceptional and extraordinary woman she was - and not do her justice.  As we waited, essentially taking over the hospital, for the eventual end….I realized all of the great pictures that were in front of my eyes that…because of the situation….I was unable, or unwilling to take.

I admit that the minutes and hours before and after her passing were quite emotional.  I tried to keep a little bit of distance where appropriate to allow the immediate family to have all the opportunity and time they need.  In doing so, I was able to watch and recognize some of the most amazing images I have been a part of.  Seeing my mother in law’s hand hold her mothers….for what seemed like the entire day.  Or watching Nan’s son walk down the hospital dimly lit hallway alone after taking a few minutes to be by her bedside.  Or watching various family members individually take a minute to collect themselves as they leaned against the wall outside her door.

Or even the details.  The name tag, the hospital ID bracelet…and the texture of the blankets that covered her legs.  The tubes and connections that were part of the wall behind her.  I will admit, I did take one picture….of the skyline of Queen’s University outside of her hospital room.

I didn’t miss an opportunity and I am not upset that I didn’t get to share them with the world.  And I don’t care to have them in my portfolio to show I can shoot emotion like a photojournalist.  That is not the point of this blog post.

The point is that I saw with my eyes, and appreciated the sensitivity, the emotional….and yes, even the art of what I was seeing.  It motivated me to be a more emotional photographer.  It inspired me to look at life…not just take pictures.

But most of all?

Most of all it encouraged me to realize that I don’t need to take every picture.  Sometimes the best pictures are the ones that you saw with your eyes, and can selfishly keep as a memory to slow down the gears in our mind when life gets a little too fast.

I just got back from Chicago for the last few days - but had to put together a post for the recent wedding from Heather and Ryan.  A few weeks ago, we shot their wedding in Toronto after looking forward to it for quite sometime.

They are a great looking couple, and the venues that they chose for their special day were top notch.  It was the first time that we had the chance to use the University of Toronto grounds - as well as the prestigious Liberty Grand.  Both are high on our list of recommendations for photo spots.  We loved it!

Heather and Ryan are awesome people.  We loved their style…and were great sports for any picture we wanted to try.  Even one of their groomsmen did a backflip off a rock for us…..in his tux!!

I am sure I will be posting more from this wedding - as well as from their previous engagement session.  However, until then - here are a few shots!

Adam & Krista

This is a bit of a random post, but something that is probably better here than swirling around in my mushy head.

You see, these days - things have been busy.  Like, overly busy.  Almost stupid busy.  It’s all good though, it’s just tough to keep up, and keep standing when you can’t say no.  Everyday is a learning process for me.

Anyway…my coach…right….So Krista and I were driving home at 1am after Saturday’s wedding, and I can’t recall how it came up (because we were zombies) - but I was talking without thinking and telling her about something a coach of mine told me that has stuck with me ever since.

Many of you who know me, I used to be (still am?) a goalie.  Growing up through various levels of hockey I was lucky enough to have a dedicated goalie coach.  This goalie coach wasn’t for the other goalie on my team either….it was just for me.  Further, I was able to keep the same coach for many many years.

That goalie coach was my dad.  A fellow goalie.

But forget the fact that he was my Dad.  On the way to hockey, he was my coach.  On the ice, he was my coach.  On the drive home, he was a little of both.  It was business, and it was good.

But what he taught me was not the “butterfly style”, or a two pad stack……but he taught me two specific things, to which I was explaining to Krista.

In my younger days of playing, I was a bit of a poor sport.  If someone would score on me, I would slam my stick or just lay on the ice deflated and disappointed that someone put one past me.  I remember clearly hearing my Dad shout from the bench “Stand Up!  Get Up!”.  I could tell he was upset, so I did it…..but at first I didn’t know why.

I remember the drive home (and I must have been 7 or 8 ) Dad being annoyed.  He explained to me that it was not proper, and slamming my stick was bad sportsmanship….and most importantly, laying on the ice after a goal showed the other team that they had “gotten to me”.  I admit that I probably didn’t have a grasp of what confidence and determination was at the time - but I knew that I had to do what I was told.  My Dad was a great goalie, played for years…so I knew it must have been what I was supposed to do.

But what clicked for me on Saturday hit me like a bus.  My Dad…er…my coach…..was not coaching me on how to be a better goalie.  He was coaching me on being a better person.  I am sure that he knew that be showing me how to not let another team get under my skin, and to have the confidence and determination (mental strength), I would be able to use that in life when things got tough.  Hmmmmmm…pretty smart guy.

The other thing that Dad did was to give me a symbol from the bench to check in on me.  It was the universal sign of “hang loose”, that we used as “You good?”.  He would look at me when the play was in the other end, or during a pause and give me the sign.  He knew that if I raised my glove to my side, I was giving him the sign back to say “Yup - I am good”.

What did that teach me?  That showed me that no matter the situation of the game, the important thing was “Are you okay?”.  Hockey didn’t matter….he was checking to make sure that I was still focused, determined to win and ready for whatever was next.  How important is having someone like that in our adult lives?  It could be a coach, or a spouse…or even a boss…caring about the direction/success of someone is something that not everyone has.  I am lucky….I have it in many people and places these days.

So the two things I learned from my Goalie Coach is simple.

1)  Get up - Don’t let the other team think you quit.  Get up, and be confident that you can perform at your best.  The puck drops again, and confidence, determination and a good attitude is what can win games (and life!)

2) “Are you okay”: Find someone that can be both your coach…and your friend.

I know that if I was on the ice right now and Dad was in the building - he’d toss out his thumb and pinky finger  to the side.  But here is the thing, I am not playing hockey as much these days - but what I learned from my coach is a huge reason as to why I am where I am today.  I have learned to fall down and get back up…..and have the perspective that life is a big hockey game, but the people is what is important….not the number of goals.

Game On.

I used to be on Flickr everyday….looking at everyone else’s work, and finding myself frustrated because my stuff was not as polished, or as good as theirs.  I found myself competing, trying to copy the style of the images that stuck out in my head.  They all seemed to have perfect poses, perfect colour and editing….and even perfect sun bursts.

I decided one day that the only way for me to get better - was to just shoot for myself.  No comparisons - just me.  I stopped trolling the forums and blogs, and decided to just shoot the ideas in my head.

I still look at the pictures that my photography friends post on Facebook, and I love when people look at mine.  I think that I will eventually go back to the forums and blogs, as I realized something…..

But I see a lot of BAD pictures.  I mean, seriously….no rules….raw, composed strangely, weird subjects, weird angles….hands and fingers cut off the frame, and a bunch of over editing and blown out highlights.

What did I realize?

The bad pictures - are my favorite.

I realized, that the artwork that is technically done incorrectly is some of the best work I have seen in a long time.  They have this emotion about them that makes them real.  My eyes are not perfectly cropping what I see, and sometimes the brightness strains my eyes.  My eyes don’t take a perfect picture, and my eyes don’t have photoshop.

When I look at pictures that are not perfect - it looks exactly how it should feel.

I haven’t posted since before my trip to Nicaragua - I promise to update with a few posts soon!  But until then, this video WOW’d me.

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I am not a fan of track and field - even though my wife was a track star before.  I saw this video today, and was floored.  Check it out, and my feelings on it after:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqnqLrakxY8

I admit that when I started this video - I expected it to be the traditional story of a runner falling down, and losing the race - but getting up and limping to the finish line to finish what she/he started.

My eyes were glued when I saw her get up so fast, and found myself cheering her on as she caught up.  When she started going faster, and the crowd cheering….I figured out what was going to happen.  I don’t think I was cheering for that.  I was cheering because she got up!  How cool is that that she didn’t even flinch, got back up and keep her eye on it without skipping a beat.

To me, that says two things about her.  Either she 1) knew that if she didn’t give up - she had the talent, no the CONFIDENCE to still win….or she 2) had the determination to know that if she took a chance, and tried hard, she had a better chance of winning…than giving up.  I think this shows that confidence and determination trumps talent.

I said to Krista after I watched that video, “I think I would have given up”.

Next time I think about giving up, I am going to think of this video.

Happy Easter,

Adam

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.”

Henry Ford

What a week….and here is it ending with one day left before I leave for Nicaragua.  I have to admit, I am a bit conflicted about the trip.  It could be nerves….but part of me wants to stay home.

How selfish am I that I have been given this amazing opportunity, and part of me is only focused on all the obstacles at this point of the journey?

One one had, I am looking forward to disconnecting with the modern world, and living rough (temporarily).  The modern conveniences are what I am most scared about leaving, but also what I am looking forward to getting away from.  I am inspired to pack light, live tight and look at things right.  I know that I will have an overwhelming appreciation for what I have by visiting such a country - as well as a new passion for a new location to photograph that I normally wouldn’t be able to shoot.

You know what would make me feel better?  An affordable data and cell phone plan to be able to talk to my family.  Text messaging will have to do - be it a band-aid for this homesick that I am already feeling.

But on the other hand, there is just so much that needs to be taken care of at home.  A car that needs repair, kids doctor appointments, catching up on editing and all the grand plans I have for this photography business….as well as the time away from earning a paycheck is scary.  I feel terrible for just walking away from all these problems…..and scared that I can’t help.

I gotta snap out of this.  Let’s be real here - my support system at home is second to none.  The ability of my wife to take care of our life far surpasses my life.   I need to stop looking at the obstacles, and realize what a gift this opportunity is.  I need to remember what my goal for this trip is.

Er….wait….what is my goal?

(I paused for a bit after I typed that).  I think my ultimate goal is to come back better.  I think by gaining a bit more appreciation for the amazing life I have with change so many parts of my life.  I think it will help me work a little harder, stress a little less, tell my family I love them a bit more often, and take some time to enjoy life at every chance I can.  Would it be great to come back with next months National Geographic cover?  Of course.  Would it be worth it to come back with an epic shot of a ripping surfer for Surfing Mag or Tracks?  For sure.

But simply….my goal is to come back a better photographer.  A better citizen.  A better employee.  A better friend/Dad/Husband.

So I leave you - as I am not sure if I will be able to bang out another blog post before I hit the skies and then the waves. Until then, I will give you a sneak peek into where I will be staying for the first few days of the trip.  Check it out by clicking “Joe’s Place”.  Check out the cabin that we will be crashing in at night.

So as my friend Scotty says…..”See you at the back”.

I am really starting to love headshots.  I am a big fan of eyes, and getting up close and personal within the frame, but (most importantly) still getting emotion out of the subject through their eyes is awesome to me.

I say that - but it is so easy when Mikayla is a 100% natural.  This was only her second shoot, but she needed new headshots for her acting career.  Do I mention that she is 15?  Yeah…she is the most mature, down to earth, professional 15 year old that I have ever met.  I will bet my camera that she will be a household name soon.  I want to be her agent.

This shoot was a breeze, and only lasted a little over an hour - with quite a variety of shots for her to go home with.  Big shout out to her Aunt and my good friend as well, Nelly - who referred her to me.  Nelly is one of my clients as well, and an awesome make up artist too!

In between talking about Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez, we cracked out this shot…..one of my personal favorite shots - ever.

Behind the Scenes, technical stuff-ness:

I used on of my favorite focal lengths - an 85mm for this shot.  Because I was using my Elinchrom lights in close - I could get ISO 50, 1/160th at f/8 for this shot.

I used a 22″ beauty dish (I think with a grid spot on) high (not terribly high, but above the camera obviously) and just slightly to the left of the camera angle.  I then used a home-made shiney board to tuck just under the frame to bounce some light back under her chin and shadows.  Lastly, to add some separation, and give some texture to the black brick wall behind her I used another strobe with a 3o degree grid spot on it to give that halo effect around her.  I think she was about 10 feet from the back wall - which allowed for the slight low depth of field.

This is one of my favorite set ups!!

The past few months - I have really been trying to funnel myself into a perspective of gratitude.  I find that being grateful and thankful, and having a passion for gratitude motivates me.  I guess the only word I think think of it….is “purpose”.

I checked out this video via one of my favorite blogs Fstoppers,…and, well…..This is photography.  This is gratitude.

It’s what it is all about.

http://vimeo.com/21253329

For the last little while, I have been back and forth on a trip to Nicaragua.

The background story is that a friend of mine from high school had set out on a year long journey to do (and be) the extraordinary.  From living in Hawaii for many years, he saved up enough moola to travel around the world with a list of extraordinary things to do.  Running with the bulls, shark diving, eating snakes, and sand dune surfing….just to name a few.  You should really check out his blog, and catch up…it’s pretty interesting what he has done:  My Xtraordinary, 1 year, 1 life, 1 list.

Anyway, I have followed him throughout the trips…and we have kept it touch quite regularly.  I think it was after my last trip to San Diego where I decided that I wanted to travel more with photography.  I found that when I was in San Diego, my eyes were so fresh - and I could see things differently, and perhaps more creatively than I was doing here in Ontario.  Maybe it was just the winter blahs.  Who knows.

I was attracted to the rawness, and roughness of the different cultures that Scott was experiencing.  One of my dream vacations would be to Africa, and Mount Kilimanjaro and seeing Scott visit different beautiful cultures made me itch.  I remember in the movie “Eat, Pray, Love” Julia Roberts character said “I want something to marvel at”.  I think that was for me.

So after much back and forth - I pulled the trigger, and booked a flight to Managua, Nicaragua.  When I say “back and forth”, it was all on me.  I was the one that was too afraid to go.  I felt (perhaps I still do), that it was a bit selfish for me to spend this kind of money for me to backpack in a developing country.  I should be saving for a trip to Disney for my family, or rent a cottage for a week in the summer so we can all enjoy it.

It was Krista (my wife) that inspired me to commit.  She urged me to go, and to make something happen out of it.  When I am afraid to go after something that is a bit of a risk…she has always been the one to push me, and it always makes me better.

So I decided to go on the trip - but with a “business” focus.  This is not a vacation….although I will be spending some time on the beach, or in a hammock at one point.  I am going down there to shoot….shoot…shoot.  I am going down to shoot surfing primarily, and I will document the culture along the way.  I would love to shoot some surfers who can rip, and some interesting locals….but I am not putting any pressure on myself for a particular shot.  This is portfolio building, as well as an exercise to train my eye in the documentary and action styles of photography.

Who knows what this portion of my life will present….cross your fingers for me.  Fortune favors the bold.  I hope.

I will leave you with this shot that I took on Mission Beach in San Diego:

Three posts in and I remembered that I should explain the name of this blog…..and the name of my studio for that matter.

I don’t have any hard feelings at all toward the name ‘William”.  The name has been in my family for quite some time, and my Dad’s name is William.  I often wished that my first name was William, just so I could be a William Belnap III (or maybe it is II, I’ll check). It sounds more regal, right?

My middle name is William, and so is my son Carter’s. It is an important name.

But when I originally had thoughts of getting into photography, I figured I needed a studio name.  I was not convinced on just using my own name, and thought that by having a studio name it could allow me to open more doors to other branches if need be.  Of course, the majority of the decision was that I thought William Ainsley sounded better. Ha!

So where did “William Ainsley” come from? Well….it’s the middle names of my two kids.  Carter William and Claire Ainsley.

My kids are the reason that I fell into photography, as after Carter was born I picked up my first SLR as I thought it would make me take better pictures.   Little did I know that after I opened the box, I had no clue of what all the settings were……and the addiction snowballed.

The reason that I named my company after them was not only because it sounded cooler, but to symbolize the pride I have in my kids.  They are the reason that I do anything, and the fact that I can provide a living doing the things that I love; while enjoying the flexibility that allows me to be a present Dad.

It makes the name “William Ainsley” pretty fitting…don’t you think?